QuotesTemple

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Jerry Seinfeld

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself.

Jerry Seinfeld

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.

Jerry Seinfeld

I love being a dad. I just love it.

Jerry Seinfeld

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

Jerry Seinfeld

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Jerry Seinfeld

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

Jerry Seinfeld

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Jerry Seinfeld

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Jerry Seinfeld

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Jerry Seinfeld

The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.

Jerry Seinfeld

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'

Jerry Seinfeld

Men want to make women happy.

Jerry Seinfeld

That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me.

Jerry Seinfeld