QuotesTemple
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Woody Allen
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
Woody Allen
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Woody Allen
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
I am two with nature.
Woody Allen
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen